Have you ever been left out in the cold? Do you remember what it felt like? Perhaps it occurred when you were younger playing in the snow too long. It could’ve happened because you missed the bus in the winter. No matter how it occurred being left out in the cold sucks. Your body goes numb and it feels like you can’t get warm enough once you are back in near the heat.
Sometimes we are left out in the cold emotionally by someone we love or care about deeply. It could be a spouse, a close friend, or a relative. It doesn’t matter who it is being left out in the cold emotionally is equally as damaging as being left out in the cold, physically. Instead of frostbite on your fingertips, you experience frostbite on your heart.
Often referred to as “getting the cold shoulder” or “silent treatment”.
No matter how you refer to it, it can be awfully painful. What makes it so painful is that it’s coming from someone you care for deeply.
The reasons you receive the cold shoulder vary as much as the person giving you the cold shoulder. Perhaps you forgot your anniversary or have been working too much lately. No matter what the reason for being left out in the cold emotionally is, it hurts.
The person leaving you out in the cold may not realize the hurt they are causing you. You may notice them going about their business as though your feelings don’t matter at all. However, this may be their defense mechanism. They may be feeling hurt too and are not ready to express it to you.
Meanwhile, you are screaming on the inside for their attention.
Notice Me!
Your heart silently cries out while you try to maintain your composure.
This is a tough situation that many of us have experienced in our lifetime. All part of being in a relationship with another human being.
Here are 4 things you can do when your partner leaves you out in the cold
Give your partner space
Let your partner have the quiet space they are seeking. Most times they need time alone to sort their feelings out. Your partner will reach out to you when they are ready. At that point, you can have the conversation needed and you can express to them how much their silence is hurting you.
I must admit, I had to learn this the hard way because I am a pleaser and a talker. It was difficult for me to accept that someone I love so deeply is upset or disappointed with me. My thought was let’s resolve this right now because I couldn’t handle my partner’s disappointment.
Sort your own feelings out
There are always two sides to every situation and a lesson that can be learned. Stop focusing on your partner and focus on yourself. Be mindful of your role in this situation. No, I am not blaming you. I am not blaming your partner either. What I am saying is we have to own our feelings. Take inventory of how you feel and react to your partner’s behavior. If you are feeling down on yourself or reacting negatively, do a little soul-searching and lift yourself up. Your partner loves you. You will not be out in the cold forever.
There was a time when I would allow myself to feel like shit because my partner was upset with me. After taking inventory and working on myself I realized my feeling like shit, that was all internal. My partner didn’t say I was shit. I knew I am not shit so why should I allow myself to feel like shit?
Send your partner a message
Only you know why your partner is giving you the cold shoulder. However, if you want to take an active role in coming out from the cold you can send your partner a message. Send them a message via text, email, or voicemail. It doesn’t matter how you send it what matters is what is in the message.
Express your feelings to them in the message or just keep it short and simple. Let them know you are thinking about them. Say something like missing you, love you, or have a good day. Any of these messages can help break the ice. Just don’t get upset if you don’t receive a return message. Your partner may not be ready to reach out to you.
Send an apology message if you feel like accepting some fault in the situation. Sometimes taking the first step to apologize will help break the ice and warm things up between the two of you again.
Enjoy your alone time
Don’t allow yourself to feel miserable because you have been left out in the cold. You are a special person. Even if it’s your fault your partner is giving you the cold shoulder. If you are in a relationship this will not be the last time you will receive the cold shoulder. So don’t sweat the small stuff. Remind yourself these are growing pains. You and your partner love each other so your relationship will be stronger.
In the meantime do some things alone. Watch that movie you have been wanting to watch. Sit down and read a book. Light some candles and take a long bath. Hit the gym, if you are a person that needs to pound things out. What is important is that you spend wisely, enjoy yourself and be happy with yourself.
Remember, no one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself first. Therefore focus on yourself. Always work on being the best you can be and everything else will fall into place.
Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you have enjoyed this reading and that you come back for more. Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor or professional therapist. I write from my own experiences and the experiences that have been shared with me.
Let’s get intimate
Leave a comment and express your thoughts on this post. Let me know of any anecdotes you use when you are left out in the cold. I look forward to reading your thoughts.
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